Definition of Love
by TortureMegan
Summary: Hidan's definition of Love according to his relationship with Kakuzu. Basically Hidan talks about his life with Kakuzu and what he thinks about the emotion known as love. Warning: This is AU, has swearing and mentions of child abusage.


**Me no own anything. And this story has lots of swearing. It's Hidan, what else do you expect?**  
>You know that feeling you get when you go down on a roller coaster, really fast? Well, most people say that's what love feels like. At least, that's what they told me. Lying little bitches. Let me tell you, love is nothing like that roller coaster feeling. Whoever came up with that shit was probably high or something; either that, or just fucking crazy. Now shut the fuck up, and let me tell you what it's really like...<br>It all started a long time ago, way back before I can remember. I've known the fucker practically my whole life. Apparently our parents were all tight and shit, we've just always been together, you know? It's like that person that's been there your whole life, that's him to me.  
>So I should probably tell you some shit about us first. I'm Hidan, he's Kakuzu. That's that. End of the fucking story. Who gives a shit what we look like? I don't. It don't matter what's on the outside, it's the inside that counts. Yes, I stole that quote from someone, no, I don't know who, and I honestly don't give a fuck. This is bout me and Kuzu, Kuzu and me.<br>Kakuzu worships money. I worship Jashin. You'd think that means we don't get each other, but we do. I don't waste money, Kuzu fixes me up after my rituals, we're both happy. Cause I don't really need that much. I'm not into that fancy-shmancy fashion shit. Cause seriously, it's just a shirt with a name on it, what's so special bout that? Gimme a needle and thread, I could make that shit. And all this new technology, it's just damn stupid. My old phone works just fine; I don't need another one, so leave me alone you fucking pussies. Really, gets fucking annoying when they're all bugging you bout shit.  
>And that's one of the things I like most about Kuzu. He understands that I don't need or want this shit. Cause he's the same, he ain't one to waste money on shit he don't need. Course others don't get that, so we've been picked on our whole lives. You know, it'll be easier if I just show you instead...<p>

"Good morning everybody! I'm Mrs Sarutobi, and I'm going to be your teacher the next four years! I'm sure we're going to have lots of fun!"  
>The lady smiled around at her students, but her smile slowly faded into a frown as her gaze landed on a boy with silver hair.<br>"Um, excuse me? You, what's your name?"  
>"Me?"<br>"Yes."  
>"Name's Hidan."<br>"Well, Hidan, where's your shirt?"  
>"Don't wear shirts."<br>"No, everyone wears shirts."  
>"Do I look like everyone?"<br>"I expect you in a shirt tomorrow."  
>"But they're against my religion!"<br>"It's not nice to lie, Hidan."  
>"I ain't lying!"<br>"He's telling the truth, miss. He's a jashinist; he's not supposed to wear a shirt."  
>"That's an elaborate lie you have there, but still a lie. Shirt tomorrow or you get detention. And please, use proper grammar."<br>She sniffed in disdain, then sauntered off with her head held high. Hidan fell back in his chair, cursing under his breath.  
>"Damn bitch."<br>"You said you wouldn't curse."  
>"Well. Not my fault. I told her I'd hate it here."<br>"Yeah, yeah. You still have to come."  
>"Don't see why."<br>"Hidan! Stop talking!"  
>"Fine!"<p>

I hated that bitch so fucking much. Next day I didn't wear a shirt. She didn't even bother with detention, she just took her metal ruler to me. That shit seriously hurt. And she did that every time I got in trouble, which was every fucking day. I've still got scars from it. None of the parents ever found out, but gossip spreads fast, and all the kids knew about it.  
>You know how kids are when there's someone different? They're like fucking bull dogs, they bite you and they don't ever let go. That's what happened to me. Every single day, I got kids picking on me, being bitches and shit. It wasn't that bad, and I just shrugged 'em off, but then my mum died. And then shit happened.<p>

"Hidan?"  
>Silence. The swishing of kids turning in their seats, and hushed whispers.<br>"Hidan?"  
>"Here."<br>Everyone turned to face the door, pointing in shock at the drenched boy leaning against the frame.  
>"You're late."<br>"My mum just died."  
>"Thank God for that. She deserved it."<br>"Don't you talk about her like that!"  
>"I'll talk about her any way I like! Seat! Now!"<br>"Fuck you!"  
>Her eyes flashed red, and she whipped out the metal ruler, an ominous whooshing noise filling the air as she brought it down on his pale skin. He winced, but made no vocal protests as more red marks appeared upon his skin.<br>"Seat. Now."  
>With slow, pain-filled steps he lumbered over to his seat, collapsing into it once he was within range.<br>"You okay?"  
>"No."<br>"How'd she-What-?"  
>"Police fucking bashed her skull in cause she refused to go to the pussies' church."<br>"Shit. I'm sorry."  
>"Hidan, Kakuzu, pay attention!"<br>The boys glared at the woman, then grudgingly opened their books, resigning themselves to another torture filled lesson.  
>"She's dead. Like, gone. Forever."<br>Hidan sniffed, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand, and Kakuzu soothingly rubbed his shoulder.  
>"What am I gonna do? They've probably fucked up the flat."<br>"Come stay with me. My parents won't mind."  
>"You sure?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"Thanks."<br>Kakuzu smiled, one of his rare smiles, then wrapped his arm around Hidan.  
>"Hey, wanna put shit in Mrs Sarutobi's coffee?"<br>"Fuck yeah!"

Sometimes, I ask myself: How the fuck did we not fight? We fight all the time now. I guess it's cause we grew up and shit, figured out we weren't as great as we'd thought. Eh, who cares? I love him, he loves me, even if we fight non-stop.  
>Anyhow. Four years, then we were free from Mrs Sarutobi.<br>Year five of school, fifth grade. That's when Kuzu had his accident. It's also when I first started liking him as more than a friend. When I got that call, I fucking freaked. See, he'd gone out with his parents to some family reunion so these bastards could stare at him. But he never made it.  
>On the way there, they got hit by a fucking ginormous truck. I saw the accident site, that thing was huge. It hit his door, and ripped their car in half. Literally, in half. Kuzu in the back half, his parents in the front. They went into traffic. His dad died straight away. His mum died later from trauma.<br>Kuzu lived. I wouldn't be telling you this shit if he hadn't. But he got messed up big time. Scars all over his body, permanent stitches. Apparently it hurt like a bitch, but it don't hurt no more. Plus it's real intimidating, freaks people the fuck out when they see the stitches. But, he gets real self-conscious with all the staring, so he covers up. Cept when he's alone with me, then he lets his sexy body out to play. And trust me, he is fucking sexy as hell.  
>Ahem. Where was I? Oh yeah, fifth grade. Other than Kuzu getting fucked up, not much shit happened. We got picked on a lot, me more so than Kuzu, but we didn't give a shit. Well, Kuzu didn't, I just pretended. Then, sixth grade, we got the sex talk. Reaction? Blushing, laughter, and people calling us gay. I didn't know I was gay, don't know bout Kuzu, but it freaked me the hell out. People would call me gay, I'd get all defensive and shit, they'd laugh, repeat. It fucking sucked.<p>

"Hey faggot!"  
>"I ain't a fucking faggot!"<br>"Aw, d'you miss your boyfriend?"  
>"I'm not a cock sucker you bitch!"<br>"Gay boy, gay boy, gay boy!"  
>"Hey, leave him alone."<br>"Look, it's gay boy's boyfriend!"  
>Laughing, the group of kids ran off, leaving a fuming Hidan and an indifferent Kakuzu.<br>"Damn bitches!"  
>"You really shouldn't let it get to you, you know."<br>"I can't fucking help it!"  
>"You care too much bout what others think of you."<br>"I do not!"  
>"You so do."<br>"You wanna fight?"  
>"Bring it."<p>

Now that I think about it, he was helping me. Every time I get really pissed, I have to punch something, and I'd hurt myself if I hit the wall. So he pissed me off, we'd fight, then I'd feel better.  
>So, as I'm sure you all know, time flies when you're having fun. And we did have fun. Even with all the bullying. Before you can say Jashin, seventh grade, and we were heading into middle school. In middle school, the districts were divided differently, so people from all different schools came together, as corny as that sounds. And that's how we met Akatsuki.<br>Akatsuki's like a gang, just without all the illegal stuff. Basically we hang out and have fun, and piss people off for the hell of it. And you don't mess with us, or we will fuck you up.  
>When me and Kuzu first met Akatsuki it was nowhere near as big as it is now. Back then it was just Blueie, Piercings and Blondie.<br>Right, you don't know yet. Well, I give everyone nicknames. If I don't like 'em, it's something like bitch or bastard. For my friends, I get creative, and give them two names. So Kakuzu used to just be Kuzu but now he's also Stitches. Blueie is Konan, she's also Flower. Pein is Piercings and OMGLP!: Oh My God Lord Pein! Cause he's got a serious self-complex. Then Blondie, Deidara, is also She-Man, cause from behind he looks like a chick.  
>Anyhow. At first we didn't really get along with those three, and we fought with them when we met. Cause, after his accident Kuzu became more withdrawn, and I had trust issues thanks to all the bullying. Technically we still have those issues, just not as bad as before. Point is, we fucking hated their guts, but they were real keen on us joining 'em, and Blueie and Blondie can be real persuasive.<br>So somehow, they got us to join. Which was actually really awesome, cause they're fucking cool people. After us, the next to join was Plant Boy, aka Greenie aka Zetsu. Then, there were Weasel/Lava Girl/Itachi and Basketball Head/Good Boy/Tobi. After that came Big Blue/Shark Boy/Kisame, then finally came Pinocchio/Soulless Boy/Sasori. Three plus two plus five makes ten, and that's the entire Akatsuki.  
>Call me weird, but I first realised I loved Kuzu cause of Weasel and Big Blue. See, I hadn't gotten their second names yet, then one day I was all like: Fuck yeah! I know! And I realised at that time I loved Kuzu.<p>

"Hey, guys?"  
>"Yes Itachi?"<br>"I'm gay."  
>"Okay then."<br>"And I'm in love with Kisame."  
>"Okay."<br>"You're not...Angry? Upset? Embarrassed?"  
>"Naw. Besides, I get the feeling Pein is the only straight guy here. If he wasn't I'd probably go insane."<br>"Are you calling me gay, un?"  
>"Deidara, dear, you're probably the gayest one here."<br>"Am not!"  
>"You are. Anyway, back to Itachi. Does Kisame know?"<br>"As a matter of fact I do."  
>"Oh, hi Kisame."<br>"Hey."  
>"So, does that mean you two are a couple?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"Like Shark Boy and Lava Girl! Hey, that's gonna be your new names! Fuck yeah, I'm good."<br>"I am not female! Do not call me Lava Girl!"  
>"Dude. You're Lava Girl. Deal with it."<p>

And then I looked over at Kuzu and realised: Hey. I'm in love with this guy. No roller coaster feeling, no sudden burst of emotion, I just looked, realised, and went back to teasing Lava Girl. And being in love, it ain't like the stories. It's not some constant adrenaline rush or that kind of shit. Love feels like I'm complete. And no, not that 'I'm only complete when I'm with him' shit, I don't need him to be myself, just I love him, he loves me, and that's all I'll ever need.  
>I didn't actually tell him until ninth grade, when we started high school. Remember how I got bullied a lot? Well, even though I have friends to stick up for me, it took me two years to overcome my fear of getting bitched at for liking Kuzu. Lava Girl and Shark Boy were real brave to be the first to come out as gay; they got picked on a lot. A few months later, Plant Boy and Basketball Head got together. Then eighth grade, Pinocchio and Blondie. Flower and Piercings...Well, they've just always been together.<br>The summer before high school, we all got sent to some summer camp by the social worker bitches. Cause we're all fucked up, so if we ain't in school they ship us off to hell so we can't cause trouble. Anyhow. Summer camp. We all wound up in the same cabin (except Konan, but we snuck her in) and then we drove the counsellor out, so it was like a free vacation, food included. Fuck yeah.  
>But, Blondie, Flower and Lava Girl were bitching at me non-stop. Somehow they'd figured out I liked Stitches, and they kept trying to get me to tell him. Awkward like fuck.<p>

"Just tell him already!"  
>"Fuck no!"<br>"Hidan. Why not?"  
>"Because."<br>"Because...?"  
>"Just because! I ain't explaining myself to you asses!"<br>"You ain't gotta be scared, un, we'll look out for you."  
>"I'm not scared!"<br>"Hidan."  
>"Fine! I'm fucking terrified! Now leave me alone."<br>"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"  
>Hidan didn't answer, glaring straight ahead of him.<br>"No one's going to hurt you because you're gay; you know we won't let that happen."  
>"But what bout when you ain't there?"<br>"Hidan, listen to yourself! You're making mountains out of molehills. It won't be that bad, just tell him already!"  
>"No! Fuck off!"<p>

Eventually I gave in. First day freshmen year, I told him. You wanna know how scary it was? Not at all.  
>Cause seriously? Worst case scenario, he laughs at me, and he does that all the time. If he kicked me out the house, I'd have just moved in with Blondie or Blueie, and if he said no, well, that's it. At least I'd have known.<br>But obviously he feels the same, otherwise I wouldn't be telling you bout this shit. Why am I telling you anyways? Oh yeah, so you fuckers know what love is. Well here you go:  
>You wanna know what love is, get off your lazy asses and go find it! And if you've found it, good for you! Cause love ain't something you can explain, it's something you gotta feel.<br>I found my love in Kakuzu. Lucky bitch that I am, I only had to look next to me. Some of you'll have to look across the world. Some of you have to look right under your noses. Most of you have to just open your damn eyes!


End file.
